And ROCK your bikini at the beach this summer
Before we get into the nitty gritty, have look at this picture below. Just have a look. What do you see? Is she beautiful? Have a good look and just notice what comes up for you.
The chances are that you used unique language and thought patterns to create meaning about this face. This unique language and thinking generated unique feelings and contributed to your perceptions.
So many things affect how we see the world
Our individual perceptions are shaped by many things; language, thought, mood, attitudes, biochemistry, filters, frames of reference, belief systems, proximity, memory, similarity and difference, sleep…….
So it really is true,
“we don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are”
When we understand this, we have tremendous power to create change. Neuro linguistic Programming (NLP) is a branch of psychology interested in helping people create long lasting change. One of the ways it does this is by coaching people to understanding how our brain works. Enabing you to become your own life coach. It is like being given a manual for your mind.
One of the ideas that NLP is based on, is the idea, “humans are a system”. This means, change in any area has the potential to create in the whole system. For example, When you change your language you, change your thoughts, when you change your thoughts, you have the power to change your life.
Let’s play with this idea. If, someone thought …..
….”beautiful women have long hair, brown eyes and clear skin”
And then they compared this thinking to the face. Their brain would do something like this;
- Hair. NOT long.
- Eyes. NOT brown
- Skin: NOT clear
- This face is NOT Beautiful.
But if we put different information into the system we can change the result.
For example. If I told you this was my face and I had been in bed for the past three days very ill. Then, your brain would think something different to what it did before.
ie: Your frame of reference would shift. For most of us, our brain won’t even go to our beauty criteria. Instead, it might do something like;
“Oh, Poor you, it’s horrible to be sick, you don’t look well at all. I hope you feel better soon.
Our thoughts literally go to a different part in our brains, and as a result create different feelings. Feelings of compassion and understanding.
How does this relate to Rocking your Bikini?
When we nit pick our bodies, we will have a particular strategy or way of thinking that creates the habit that makes us feel bad. We will be using specific language to support our ideas. For example, if someone believes they are fat, then they might say something to themselves like “I’m so fat”. They will probably be using an “unrealistic frame of reference” and will be ignoring all the wonderful amazing things their body does. When this happens we can become “hyper vigilant” and keep looking and looking flaws that evidence our idea that we don’t match up.
The brain literates starts looking for evidence to support this belief “I am fat”. It might look for dimples, excess skin, do comparisons to size eight models. Often, this is not even conscious, its as if, our brain does it automatically, on auto pilot. This is especially when berate yourself so often that it becomes a habit of thinking.
You certainly can’t get the same feeling if you remind yourself that you are wonderful, that your body is this amazing system that you get to live in. Or when your focus attention on how it FEELS to have water on your skin and sand between the toes.
The good news is that we can learn. If we learned negative ways of thinking about our bodies we can unlearn them.
The first and most important thing we need to do is DECIDE.
- Decide…How I want to FEEL in your body?
- And then, pay attention. Notice what you notice. What are you paying attention to? What or who are your frame of references? What are saying to yourself?
- Check is helping you feel the way you want to feel
If yes, bravo! Keep doing it!
- If not, then know you have the power to change the way you feel with thought!
Be a thought detective. On the look out for negative thoughts. When you catch one, simply ask new questions.
Even if, it is just one different question, it will take your thoughts to a different part of your brain. Notice what that feels like, and keep tweaking it until you get the feeling you want.
You could try….
What can I appreciate about my body in this moment?
Who or what am I comparing myself to?
What’s my frame of reference? Check it’s not some fake social media filter or someone’s photoshop skills.
And consider how can I practice seeing the beauty in me now?
There are so many ways to create the change you want. I’ve just talked about language tweaks and frames of reference, There really are loads of ways we can do this. If you want to learn more, then please do. Find an NLP coach, read books, articles …..learn. The more strategies we have, the easier it becomes.
It also important to practice. If you are good at nit picking your body then the chances are you have had lots of practice. Unlearning this also takes practice. There is a very famous quote that says “Practice. All is coming”.